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<title>𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞 by aokasei</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27350926">𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aokasei/pseuds/aokasei'>aokasei</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"as insomnia hits..." [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Insomnia, M/M, Post-Break Up, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:47:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27350926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aokasei/pseuds/aokasei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>" as insomnia hits, so does his longingness."</p>
<p>after launching his new game, he was able to sleep after days until he couldn't. <br/>he wasn't sure what time it is but all he could think about was the words he should have said to the black-haired man miles away from New York.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"as insomnia hits..." [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. track 3 // before you go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>originally posted in Wattpad: https://my.w.tt/xx6jAEgMVab</p>
<p>book title: "as insomnia hits... | haikyuu!! pairings"<br/>author: AoKasei</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Kenma! Congratulations!" He smiled as he saw one of his friends on the screen. "Thank you." He said sincerely.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry if I wasn't able to move my flight later than two weeks ago. We could have celebrated a little there." Akaashi Keiji, one of his closest friends, said with an apologetic face. Due to his friend's work, he was left alone in New York while his friend went back to their hometown two weeks ago. Even if he hated that his friend left, he couldn't force Akaashi to stay here in New York, let alone bring himself back to Japan.</p>
<p>"It's okay, I understand. The most important thing is that you're settled and doing good there. And I have pudding here, remember?" He heard Akaashi hummed in response. He chuckled. "Are you happy, Keiji?" He asked. Even if he knew the answer, he wanted to know because he knew what Akaashi had gone through when his friend was still here in New York and was apart from his lover. He saw Akaashi nodded with a genuine smile.</p>
<p>"I'm happy with him, Kenma. I truly am. I could see his efforts for the two years we've lost, I've been making up as well. We were both fools in the past. I... I still love him and I could feel he does, too. I'm sorry." He heard Akaashi muttered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He chuckled. "Why are you apologizing? I should be the one apologizing when I forced you to move on. I also know you were struggling but as your friend, I just don't want to see you hurting. Look, Keiji, the important thing now is that you're happy. You're happy back there with him and I'm happy for you as well." He said sincerely.</p>
<p>He expected it already the moment they moved here two years ago, that the two would find its way back to each other, one way or another. Bokuto called him once, in a drunk state, asking where's Akaashi but he never answered the man until he heard Bokuto crying in pain. He ended that call immediately, hoping Bokuto wouldn't call him again.</p>
<p>He also knew how Akaashi could be persistent and how Bokuto isn't the kind to look for someone else. Heck, Bokuto only follows and listens to Akaashi back when they were still in high school. And it seems like the two were just really meant to be with each other. How lucky. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Thank you, Kenma. Ahh-- Kou you're back, I'm still on the video call with Kenma-- HELLO KENMA!" He gave a soft laugh as he heard a familiar loud voice on the other line. "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting he'll be earlier today," Akaashi muttered. "It's okay, say hello for me. You know, I'm still wondering how you're able to stand his antics."</p>
<p>He saw Akaashi shrugged but smiled. "He's just.... him. I think that's enough reason to stay and love him... But don't tell him I just said that." He saw Akaashi flustered and he gave a snort. "Is Tokyo making you that cheesy? Geez, I miss the cold-hearted Akaashi Keiji here in New York." He teased.</p>
<p>"Who's cold-hearted?" A certain owl boy appeared on his screen and he saw how Bokuto kissed Akaashi's left temple and left cheek before giving a peck on Akaashi's lips, making the latter more flustered. He scrunched up his nose. "Gosh, stop flirting in front of my eyes." He muttered.</p>
<p>Bokuto looked at the screen and stuck his tongue out childishly before laughing. "Congratulations, Kenma! I tried playing the demo of your game, it was fun! Akaashi beat me though, your gaming skills have rubbed off to him when he was there." He laughed with Akaashi while Bokuto sulked like a child. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They continued talking, Bokuto bid goodbye first since he wanted to take a shower before taking Akaashi out until Akaashi realized the time and started scolding him. "It's like 2 AM back there! You should go rest and retrieve the sleep you've lost these past days. And don't you dare play a game or stream, you sly cat." Akaashi glared at him and he just rolled his eyes but smiled. "Yes, mom."</p>
<p>Akaashi rolled his eyes but smiled back. "Take care of yourself, okay? I'll call you back later or tomorrow. Say hi to Pudding for me" He hummed in response and waved as he ended the video chat. He sighed as he shut down his computer after three days of working continuously. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stretched his arms and legs before standing up from his gaming chair. He noticed how tired he was. After all, he just finished one of his biggest and best creations in the gaming industry. He smiled in satisfaction, as he saw a copy of his latest game on his desk. It was the game he'd been working in his college days but stopped for some reason.</p>
<p>He shook his head as he tried removing those bitter thoughts. 'The game is done and that's what matters. You're satisfied and it was a successful game.' He told himself before heading to the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the mildly hot water hits his body, he felt how stiff his muscles were, from working nonstop before launching his game. He closed his eyes in content as he relaxed his muscles, he didn't want to leave his tub at all. He was used to working three days straight but his tiredness from his old works couldn't be compared to the tiredness he felt now.</p>
<p>He finished taking a bath half an hour later and felt his stomach growling. He sighed and decided to fill his stomach with the leftovers he had yesterday and the congratulatory cake he received.</p>
<p>He forgot to eat dinner but it's not like he has a fixed time for eating his meals unless Akaashi told him to eat so. And sometimes, both of them would lose track of time and end up eating Chinese take-outs at past midnight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He suddenly heard a purr from his black cat, Pudding, and smiled as he crouched down to pick his cat up. Pudding continued purring until it slept on his arms. He smiled as he set Pudding on its bed near his room.</p>
<p>He thought how Pudding and he would be once again alone with each other. He just sighed.</p>
<p>He misses his friend's company but he was happy to know Akaashi found a reason to smile genuinely again because of love.</p>
<p>And deep inside, he wished he could still do the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He lied on his twin-sized bed and felt fatigued which took over his body. He squinted his eyes and felt how heavy his eyes are. He was sure he looks shitty, now that his concealers and foundation on his face were removed after the launch party his company had earlier.</p>
<p>He felt ecstatic, for being acknowledged not only by known professional gamers but by other game developers too. They even sent him positive feedbacks from the demo he sent them, making his latest creation much awaited by people.</p>
<p>But truth be told, he dislikes the attention. Sure, he felt happy for being known for his games and gaming skills but the crowd is tiresome for him. Yet, he needed to put up a smile because he is a public figure now, after all. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even if it pains him to force a smile sometimes, especially when some of his creations, just like his latest, reminds him of a certain someone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He received multiple supports not only from his fans around the world but from his friends back in Japan.</p>
<p>He looked at his phone and smiled as he saw the messages he received from his friends he made in university and in Nekoma High. He may not be too fond of the former younger ace, Lev Haiba, back then but he appreciated the thought of the tall underclassman texting him from time to time despite being busy in the modeling industry.</p>
<p>There was also Shōyō, who's currently in Brazil and kept in touch with him almost every day despite being a known pro-volleyball player. He was too full of energy, even back then when they were still in high school. Oh, how much he wanted to go back to those days where it was simpler and carefree.</p>
<p>He continued reading the messages with a small smile on his face. He really felt happy that even when he left Japan two years ago, a few kept in touch, congratulating him on his success. He closed his phone after reading all the messages and replying to his friends.</p>
<p>But deep inside, he knew he was expecting a message from the person he wanted to see the least. How ironic. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a sigh, he closed his eyes and covered himself with a blanket. He felt tired, anyway. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until he reopened his eyes moments later. As if something in his brain is waking him up despite feeling exhausted and strained. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared at his plain white ceiling, wondering why he haven't followed the advice Oikawa gave them about painting their walls and ceiling with soothing colors when their friend visited them for the first time before.</p>
<p>Akaashi colored his walls dark blue and his ceiling golden yellow - it was obvious why. And him, he wanted to paint it black, but was that soothing? Or was it more painful?</p>
<p>In the end, he never painted it, not only it was a tiresome chore but white reminds him of the hospital room he used to stay in when he was younger. And when someone made his stay comforting rather than nauseous.</p>
<p>He shook his head and sat up, he shouldn't be remembering <em>him</em> now. He thought maybe it's his insomnia as to why he's thinking the past he left already. 'I should start drinking sleeping pills or some melatonin to regulate this body clock.' </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood up and decided to drink some lukewarm milk to clear his mind. Usually, he'll play some video games or he would stream when he couldn't sleep. But weirdly, he's not in the mood to play and he didn't want to strain his eyes more.</p>
<p>His feet let him wander around his apartment - a penthouse, to be exact - which was too spacious, to begin with. It was filled with Akaashi's bookshelves and his video games shelves, fireplace, and television by the living room, just a normal refined kitchen which is now absent from Akaashi's baking and cooking, a famous arcade machine which he bought a year ago, and some other gaming consoles in his gaming and streaming room, his and Akaashi's rooms separately, a spacious bathroom, and a wide balcony. It was big and spacious, just like how he likes it, but he still felt empty.</p>
<p>Especially now without Akaashi's presence, he remembered the emptiness he felt back in his college days; his current apartment may be bigger than his dorm back then, yet the loneliness felt the same.</p>
<p>The cold, dark, empty, lonely, space reserved for him and he was the sole reason why he ended like this. He couldn't blame anyone but him and his cowardice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed as he sat by the couch, with his knees on his chest and his mug of lukewarm milk on his hand. He always told himself he wouldn't bother the emptiness he felt before, he was used to it anyway.</p>
<p>Or maybe he was used to being alone with someone but not lonely — no, it didn't felt lonely back then until that day, the day where he felt he lose everything he had and gained something that he carried until he moved to New York. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He somehow forgot the emptiness in his apartment, after all, there was his ever-patient and ever-understanding friend Akaashi Keiji with him before who may have sympathized with him, but it was never out of pity; he knew they were just the same who wanted to flee away from their problems back in Japan.</p>
<p>But Akaashi was different. Much, much different from him who took the risk to go back with the chances of meeting the past — which he did. And Akaashi's stronger and happier already, he could feel that and he couldn't be happier for his friend.</p>
<p>They were still different in the end, and he hates himself for being the opposite one — a coward, insecure, detached type of person. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood up from the couch and decided to check on Akaashi's room. He smiled as he saw the man really left some things behind, as a promise that the latter would visit him whenever he can. He also saw some of Oikawa's things who left some clothes whenever he spends his break in their apartment.</p>
<p>And he did wonder what happened with Oikawa's. Oikawa never told them anything but they knew the man harbored feelings for his best friend, Iwaizumi. Yet, they never heard Oikawa talking about them, whatever their relationship maybe, but he somehow hoped things are going great with them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed the door just as he finished his milk and decided to wind up by the balcony after washing his mug. The lounge chair was his favorite spot, next to his bed and his gaming chair, which was surrounded by plants. He was thankful that Akaashi watered the plants constantly and now it was his turn to water them all every day.</p>
<p>Ah, he felt lonely just by thinking about it but he shook his head. Akaashi told him before that plants are needed to keep them company and at peace and he should feel like that. And he has Pudding.</p>
<p>But why isn't it enough? Why isn't it enough to remove the emptiness he's feeling? Does he need to see his psychiatrist again? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared outside, it was nothing special. He could see the tall Empire State, the famous Brooklyn Bridge, other fascinating skyscrapers, and the city lights from the never-dying nightlife of New York; stars were rarely seen since it was polluted.</p>
<p>He was contented in seeing this — it was kind of comforting, unnerving, easing — but he admits he misses the view of Tokyo Skytree and the view of mountains outside Tokyo. Both cities may be filled with tall buildings and towers but Tokyo felt more home, more sincere, a place really close to his heart.</p>
<p>Then again, he couldn't go back-- no, he didn't want to go back. He is afraid to feel and to remember. It was also too painful for a detached person like him. He wasn't even sure if he was detached if he's feeling like this. How ironic. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was sure that once he goes back to Japan, the memories he tried to forget would come back like a bullet train on his head. There were too many memories and there was him, and him alone, who'll fight the pain away.</p>
<p>He could ignore them, the memories and the people, but he couldn't especially when he knew it was his fault back then to why he's in a state like this today.</p>
<p><em>'Stop it, Kenma. It's not the time to reminisce.'</em> He thought as he stood up and going back inside to the living room. He saw Pudding sleeping and smiled since he was unable to disturb the cat's sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He still didn't feel sleepy but he was tired and was not even in the mood play a game. And it's ticking him off as if he's feeling restless and he needs some distraction. Something. Someone. Anything. He doesn't have the heart to wake Pudding up.</p>
<p>He didn't want to call Akaashi, he didn't want to trouble and disturb the man's date. He couldn't call Hinata who's in Brazil, it's already past 3 AM in their time. He couldn't call Oikawa, he didn't want to disturb the man's vacation in Japan and he was sure Oikawa would worry too much and try to book a flight to New York right away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grabbed his phone and opened the music app he downloaded not too long ago. He had a subscription but he rarely uses it. He scrolled down the saved playlists made by Oikawa and Akaashi and chose a random one.</p>
<p>He started shuffling the random playlist he clicked and recognized the songs as he scrolled down. '<em>It's probably one of Akaashi's playlist.</em>' He decided to connect it to his Bluetooth speakers and truth be told, he never appreciated this genre of music until now. He likes playing more hyped up songs, especially when he's playing games or streaming.</p>
<p>Though he heard these songs playing in Akaashi's room at times, he only had a few songs in mind that he actually listened to the lyrics and beat. He continued listening as he lied down on the couch with the fireplace warming him up. It was already winter season and New York's too cold for his liking.</p>
<p>He started humming on some edited slowed songs he already knew, like songs by Bruno Mars', blackbear's, and Troye Sivan's until he stopped as he heard the first beat of a song he recently heard. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>"I fell by the wayside like everyone else</b>
  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <b>I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself."</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>One name had appeared in his mind as he heard the first lines. </p>
<p>
  <em>Kuroo Tetsurou.</em>
</p>
<p>He hated the man, he hated the man for leaving three years ago, but deep inside he hated himself.</p>
<p>It was a usual love story once upon a time. They were childhood friends turned to best friends then to lovers turned to strangers. They were inseparable until they weren't; before he couldn't imagine a life without Kuroo yet now he knows how and he hates it. </p>
<p>He hates to be lonely.</p>
<p>He hates himself. He hates it so much. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"Our every moment, I start to replace</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say"</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>Since they broke up when he was in his 3rd year of college, he threw everything that could remind him of the black-haired male.</p>
<p>It was from lack of communication to lack of trust until they completely fell apart.</p>
<p>When Kuroo left three years ago, he thought he could manage on his own, just like when the male wasn't present in his life. As a kid who was always sick and left in the hospital by his parents, he was used to isolation. He was used to having no one and he thought it might be the reason why he was so detached.</p>
<p>But he was wrong.</p>
<p> He realized that he was detached because he was afraid. He was afraid unconsciously of losing people, of losing Kuroo Tetsurou completely.</p>
<p>As the reality of Kuroo gone from his life the day when the man stepped out from their small space hits, he felt empty with a mind filled with what-ifs.</p>
<p>The words he could have said to Kuroo echoed in his mind like a mantra, until today. He could vividly hear those words within him, filling up his empty soul.</p>
<p>And he knew it was one of his biggest mistakes, to let Kuroo go. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"So, before you go</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Was there something I could've said to make your heartbeat better?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather"</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'</em>
  <em>I'm sorry, Kuroo Tetsurou.'</em>
</p>
<p>As he heard the lyrics, he didn't realize he was crying already until he managed to let out a sob. He remembered the words he could have said to Kuroo before the man left.</p>
<p>
  <em>'I'm sorry, Kuro.'</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'I love you, Tetsu.'</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'Please don't leave me alone, Kuro.'</em>
</p>
<p>He let out the tears as if Kuroo left yesterday. Three years were still fresh and it continued wounding his heart every day.</p>
<p>He hates how selfish he was before. He hates how he let Kuroo go even if the black-haired male wanted to fix it, to fix them. He hates how he didn't listen and understand his best friend, his lover back then.</p>
<p>And he hates how selfish he is until now. He hates how he still loves Kuroo Tetsurou even if he was the reason the man left. Even if he was the one who initiated to break-up and told the male to leave. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"Our every moment, I start to replay</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face"</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>Heremembered the pain from Kuroo's eyes as he spat hurtful words towards the male back then. He let his insecurities eat him up at that time, thinking Kuroo was cheating behind his back.</p>
<p>He lacked the trust the male needed from him, despite the several years of friendship.</p>
<p>He remembered how Kuroo defended himself, telling him he was mistaken. He remembered how Kuroo explained it was his friend's cousin and a friend from his internship. He remembered how Kuroo told him he couldn't cheat behind his back because he loves him so much.</p>
<p>He knew that but he lacked the empathy Kuroo needed from him, even if he knew it was his insecurities that were making him like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One problem turned to problems as he carelessly shouted at Kuroo of words he couldn't imagine himself saying it. He knew he was shouting lies but he couldn't stop himself. Until it reached his breaking point.</p>
<p>He remembered how he told Kuroo to stop and leave him. How he told him he was tired, how he told their relationship wouldn't get any further, how he told him he gives up, how he couldn't love Kuroo anymore.</p>
<p>He remembered the pain from Kuroo's face that night, how he made the love of his life feel worthless.</p>
<p>"<em>I... I'm sorry if that's what you feel, kitten.</em>" He remembered how Kuroo trembled before packing up. They were silent that night, only the sounds from the zippers of Kuroo's baggage could be heard.</p>
<p>He was silently avoiding Kuroo's stature who was trembling and stopping himself from crying. He knew Kuroo would be like that whenever frustrated or hurt. And he couldn't do anything about it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kuroo looked at him for the last time with those cat-like and forced out a smile - who terribly failed - before walking out.</p>
<p>
  <b>"Goodbye, Kenma." </b>
</p>
<p>No words were exchanged as Kuroo stepped out from the door, out from his life. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"So, before you go</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>So, before you go"</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>One of the biggest what-ifs in his life if he has said something the day Kuroo left. Or anything. Or everything.</p>
<p>He thought his biggest strength was to keep all of his pain inside him, which he kept inside him until now. Maybe it's because no one taught him how to express his feelings when he was younger, especially living in a strict household.</p>
<p>But he realized that it was the biggest flaw he ever had and made him hurt the person he cares about the most. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His labyrinthine thoughts were disrupted as he heard a purr beside him and he realized how a crying mess he was. He picked up his cat and hugged as if his life depended on it.</p>
<p>It took him three years to cry like this because of love. And he hates himself for pretending to be okay in front of everyone. <br/><br/></p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"Would we be better off by now</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>If I'd have let my walls come down?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Maybe, I guess we'll never know</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>You know, you know"</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He closed his eyes as he let his tears flow continuously, with Pudding in his arms.</p>
<p>He sniffed. Kuroo used to call him Pudding or Kitten.</p>
<p><em>'If I'd have let my walls come down, would you still be beside me today?' </em>He lied down on the couch as he felt the fatigue once more. His cat freed itself from his arms and went back to its bed.</p>
<p><em>'Or would you still go?</em>' He smiled bitterly.</p>
<p>
  <em>'If I just have said something from keeping you walking out that door, would we still be together?'</em>
</p>
<p>He bit his lower lip hard until he could taste that sweet metallic blood. He knew he would never know the answers to his questions. And it was those what-ifs that make him sleepless from time to time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he thought maybe it was for the best for them to part ways. He knew that Kuroo would do better without him because he knew he would only bring Kuroo down with his destructive self.</p>
<p>He knew Kuroo have moved on already, he knew how practical Kuroo was. He may have never heard the news about the black-haired male but he knew the man was doing better than him.</p>
<p>And he thought it's better if he's the only one who's carrying the pain until now. After all, it was his fault and Kuroo never deserved someone like him.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>'Kuroo could find someone better because he deserves the best in this world.'</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He gazed at the fireplace and watched as the fire died together with the song that made him feel all the things he kept inside him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>"So, before you go"</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>"Know that I still love you, Kuroo Tetsurou."</b>
</p>
<p>He closed his eyes and wished he would stay asleep forever. <br/><br/></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>---</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴘʟᴀʏʟɪꜱᴛ<br/>♫ 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐜 ♫</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>𝘽𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙂𝙤</p>
<p>Lewis Capaldi</p>
<p>◄◄ ❚❚ ►►</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. track 4 // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Kuroo-san, are you sure you'll overtime again today?" Kuroo looked at the left and saw one of his co-workers, Jinha, asked with a worried face. He just gave her a polite smile and nodded. "Eh... Don't overtime always! Boss said you tend to overtime always and that's not healthy." He just forced out a laugh. "I'm okay, Jinha-san. Nothing to worry about." </p>
<p>The girl looked at him for a moment or two before nodding and taking its leave. He heaved a sigh and rested his back on his office chair. He's been overworking lately but that wasn't new; and not that he has many works to do, he just wanted to distract himself, as always. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked at the clock and saw it was already 10 in the evening and as he looked at the window, the sky was starless and the moon was the only source of light.</p>
<p>No one was on his floor and the janitor had already cleaned earlier. He was used to this kind of night - his cubicle was the only one emitting light and the sounds of his creaking office chair and clicks from his keyboard were the only sounds that could be heard.</p>
<p>He thought maybe he should call it a night and started fixing his things and shutting down his computer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The drive on his way home felt like a drag, as usual. Unlike his friends and colleagues, he doesn't look forward to going home because it was too lonely for his liking. No loved one waiting for him in his apartment anyway.</p>
<p>Before there were times his friend, Bokuto, crashes into his apartment when the pro-volleyball player has his vacation quarterly. He didn't mind even if Bokuto has his own apartment, they were both fools of love who are longing for someone. And he sometimes forgets his problems whenever they hang-out; Bokuto was fun to be with, he was and still the best bro he has since they were in high school.</p>
<p>But now that Akaashi's back, the two got back together, and he's happier for both of his friends. He knew the pain and regrets Bokuto had endured whenever the male cries when they go out for drinks. And he knew it was hard for Akaashi's side, too. But his two friends deserve to be happy, being apart from each other was one foolishness they had done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And sometimes, he thinks if he deserves to be happy after being a fool, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His apartment wasn't too big, it could fit a family of 3 or a married couple, but it was too big for someone like him who's living alone.</p>
<p>It was spacious and neat, just like how he wanted it to be. He left his keys by the table and smiled as he heard his cat purr. "Come here, Kozu." He picked up his fluffy ragdoll cat and his cat purred once more. "I'm sorry if daddy got home late again. Let's get you some treats." He opened the rack in his kitchen and grabbed some cat treats for his cat.</p>
<p>He smiled as he saw Kozu eating ravishingly on its bowl. He remembered the day he took this cat when he started living in his first apartment. He didn't start working after graduating and moving out of the dorm he shared with his ex-lover so he was always at his house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was a wreck back then.</p>
<p>He felt his life was distorted and he couldn't rely on anyone back then.</p>
<p>Luckily, he found a cramped apartment days after leaving the dorms in his college years, where he left everything behind including himself.</p>
<p>Within those days, there was this certain cat who looks at his every morning and every night.</p>
<p>At first, he paid no mind and let the cat look at him as if this is guarding him. But he's a softie when it comes to cats and decided to take the cat in who made its way to Kuroo's arms voluntarily.</p>
<p>The cat was smaller and fluffier back then but it was the cat who accompanied him through his dark days. He named it Kozu, to which the cat purred in delight. He smiled genuinely after several weeks of faking it.</p>
<p>When he started working, he decided to move into a bigger apartment together with his cat.</p>
<p>Kozu reminded him of Kozume Kenma thus the name of the cat.</p>
<p>He sighed and petted Kozu's head before heading to the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was already midnight when he turned in for the night. He resigned himself on his bed and stared at his plain ceiling. It was dark and silent, it wasn't anything new.</p>
<p>He was about to close his eyes until his phone buzzed. He took his phone and saw it was a notification from an online streaming platform.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>"Kodzuken is playing Valorant! | q&amp;a time w/ Dojin and Hyesung!"</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He clicked on the notification immediately and smiled as he saw the familiar figure on the screen, the person he left behind three years ago, and who left for New York for good.</p>
<p>When they broke up, he decided to subscribe anonymously to the male's gaming channel and watch the streams every now and then for the past three years.</p>
<p>He stared at Kenma who has longer hair now and paler skin tone than he could remember. Kenma's skin felt cold but there was still a small smile plastered on his face while playing and speaking with the two known figures. </p>
<p>He doesn't know what they're talking about but Kenma's voice is comforting, to say the least. Three years ago, Kenma's voice was rich, soft, and gentle and it's euphonious as it is now.</p>
<p>But it felt distant and forced since they have broken up. </p>
<p>And he wondered if he would be able to hear Kenma's voice beside him once more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled bitterly and closed his phone, unable to look nor hear Kenma since guilt was still eating him even if three years have passed already. </p>
<p>It became a cycle already - opening Kenma's stream and close it immediately because it feels too much. And he always had the urge to go to New York which he did once before - and failed to see the younger male. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed his eyes, trying to forget it all but tonight seems different, especially when it feels like his brain doesn't want to cooperate with his tired body. </p>
<p>He twisted and turned around the bed until he stood up and decided to run his weariness out. </p>
<p>He felt too restless for some unknown reasons. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He started regretting his decision already. </p>
<p>It was already the last week of November and the weather was colder than usual. How dumb could he be, leaving the house with only a thin layer of shirt under his hoodie? He could feel the coldness sipping through his shirt already. </p>
<p>But this was better than staying inside his room with dreadful thoughts. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He continued running with his earphones on, trying to avoid the noise around the streets of Tokyo and at the same time, distract himself from his thoughts. </p>
<p>He wasn't sure how far he was from his apartment but he didn't mind the distance, the nightlife of Tokyo still awed him somehow despite living here for years. </p>
<p>He didn't know why he stayed here, after those horrible memories. Even if he had the chance to move to Osaka or Sendai, Tokyo still gave him something those places didn't. </p>
<p>Hope. Hope that he would see Kenma once more where they used to grow up together. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't notice how long he had been running but he was sure he overworked in running as he felt his legs sore. </p>
<p>As he looked at his surroundings, he frowned as he saw his former high school in his sight. <em>'Holy shit did I ran that far?' </em>He thought. He guessed that he might have been running for more than an hour to even get here. </p>
<p>He stopped running as he stood in front of the gates of Nekoma High. He smiled as he saw the old cherry blossom tree, still standing strong by the gates. The tree was very memorable for him, it was where Kenma and he would wait for each other every day before going home together. </p>
<p>He walked closer to the tree and smiled as he saw that old carving he did when he was in his third year of high school. The 'K' in the tree signified both of their last names and it was when he decided to stay by Kenma's side for a lifetime. </p>
<p>He smiled sadly as he felt a petal fell down in front of him. Just like the petals, not everything stayed permanently. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed as he walked away from the tree and sat by the sidewalk to rest for a bit. </p>
<p>He could feel his cold sweats throughout his body and felt how tired he really was after running. </p>
<p>He looked around and saw how empty the streets were. He checked the time and wasn't surprised to see 02:15 AM flashing on his digital watch. </p>
<p>He smiled as he listened through his playlist, enjoying the serene surroundings that he didn't feel for so long. He realized he's been spending too much time on his work that he forgets to spend some time for himself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pressed his knees closer to his chest as he enjoyed the view of the street he used to run with his former volleyball team. He remembered how Kenma used to be a lap behind the team and how he always looked out for the younger male. He knows Kenma didn't want him to wait so he just always watched. </p>
<p>He sighed at the memory as air puffed out from his mouth. It felt really cold and freezing so he stood up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He decided to go and buy something to eat from the nearby 24/7 convenience store and started walking in silence. </p>
<p>Until a certain song started playing. He's too familiar with this song. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"And empty streets now. Where we used to love our hearts out.<br/>And now I'm dancing all alone. Scared to go out on my own."</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He frowned at the accuracy of the lyrics but it struck him in some way. He felt the emptiness once more as he walked through the streets Kenma and he used to walk to and from school. </p>
<p>He realized how memorable this street was, it held foolish fun memories that he would never forget. </p>
<p>Yet now he walks alone in the void of the street as he felt choking. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>"This calming feeling faded into anxious breathing<br/>In the places we were happy once<br/>It's stuck inside but never home"</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>He took deep breaths as he continued walking. Walking to the nearby convenience felt too long now that he's walking alone. </p>
<p>He felt his hands shivering, not knowing if it was from the cold air or from realizing that he never felt genuine happiness after leaving Kenma. </p>
<p>And that he would always be lost because the person he once considered his home is miles away from him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"And I, wish we didn't say goodbye<br/>'Cause we're just standing still<br/>And I don't really know what tomorrow holds." </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He stopped walking as he clenched his hands and looked at the ground. </p>
<p>How could a song hit him too hard? He felt as if tons of bricks hit his face, all of his regrets of leaving Kenma behind came back. </p>
<p>And he's left with what-ifs of what they would have become today. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"But I've, I've finally realised<br/>If this is our last goodbye until we're gone<br/>Who cares about the wrongs we've 'caused ourselves<br/>'Cause I don't wanna watch the world end with someone else" </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He didn't know he was tearing up as he felt his sight started to blur. </p>
<p>But he tried continued walking with a heavy heart. </p>
<p>He realized it was too late to watch the world end with Kenma. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"I'm hit with my regret like a riot<br/>Reminds what I really want<br/>But have I waited for too long?" </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He didn't desire anything when they broke up. He thought they both needed space but something still held him back to go back to Kenma. </p>
<p>He still loves Kenma but he was in pain too. </p>
<p>Until now after three years. </p>
<p>Was it wrong for him to love Kenma for that long?  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"'Cause if I lose it all in the blink of an eye<br/>Like a fire burning out in the night<br/>And my heart stops beating<br/>But something's screaming." </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>Tears continued falling down from his eyes as the feeling he tried to avoid for three years kept coming back. </p>
<p>This is why he hated to be alone. He remembered how he lost everything at once, especially himself. </p>
<p>He tried devoiding himself from romantic feelings, or from anything that he knows that would pain him. </p>
<p>He could never cheat on Kenma, like how they fight started before. </p>
<p>Yet at the end of the day, his heart would always still scream for one name, Kozume Kenma. </p>
<p>How could he not move on for the past three years? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"But I've, I've finally realised<br/>If this is our last goodbye until we're gone<br/>Who cares about the wrongs we've 'caused ourselves<br/>'Cause I don't wanna watch the world end with someone else" </em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>He always thinks what's the good in goodbye? </p>
<p>Especially when it was the last words he said to Kemna before losing everything. </p>
<p>If only he could turn back time, he would never blurt those hurtful words. </p>
<p>Because he can't imagine himself watching the world end with someone else except Kenma. </p>
<p>How foolish of him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked up and saw himself near the convenience store. He wiped his tears and sniffed. He was sure he looked shitty but he didn't mind a bit, he always felt shitty since the day Kenma left. So what's new? </p>
<p>He silently walked towards the convenience store and saw a figure coming out from the store with full hands. </p>
<p>As a well-mannered citizen, he opened the glass door for the smaller figure but he froze as if time has stopped. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Kenma?" He said rather dryly and hoarsely from tearing up. He missed how the name rolled off from his tongue after three years. </p>
<p>"....Kuroo?" He teared up once more as he heard that euphonious voice. His eyes were not playing tricks on him as he hears the song ends. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>"Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh<br/></em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>World end with someone else"</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled genuinely after. </p>
<p>He knows things would not be okay all at once but he was sure of one thing at that moment. </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>He would never want to watch the world end with someone else rather than Kozume Kenma. </b>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>---</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴘʟᴀʏʟɪꜱᴛ<br/>♫ 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐜 ♫</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>𝙞 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚</p>
<p>Clinton Kane</p>
<p>◄◄ ❚❚ ►►</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please view it in wattpad if you have one ^_^<br/>title of the book: "as insomnia hits..." | haikyuu!! pairings</p>
<p>i mostly write there ^^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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